she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
