Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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