and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
