I want to walk on stilts...naked
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she told me i tasted like america
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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