I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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