So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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