People in love make me want to vomit
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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