there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
