the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
