Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
