Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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