I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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