It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
