My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
