Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
