they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
