if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So many bounce houses so little time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
