Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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