I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
