did you get engaged???
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
