how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
