You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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