I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
