i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
