Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
