I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
