next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
