I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i love accidental penises.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
