just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
