Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
