Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
