i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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