i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
