Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
