My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
