So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
