I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We have started to decorate penises.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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