I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
