two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
