I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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