just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
