he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
