just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
