Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
