I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
