just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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