College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
