I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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