idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
