oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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