u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The feeling are messing with the penis
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
