So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
