she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
