at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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