Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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