Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
