Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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