You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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