i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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