Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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