would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
