i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
