Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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