I bet he comes in French.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
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she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
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When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..