Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.

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  (817): is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign. http://tfl.nu/8cf5
  Replies (51) Good night (2472) Bad night (1142)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?

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  (603): could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt? (1-603): you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call? http://tfl.nu/6h21
  Replies (13) Good night (1117) Bad night (2961)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  she started talking about my kids

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  was she topless?

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  (940): she started talking about my kids (1-940): was she topless? http://tfl.nu/rvo3
  Replies (14) Good night (803) Bad night (1840)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.

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  (651): I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex. http://tfl.nu/qzkm
  Replies (7) Good night (3155) Bad night (464)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?

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  (608): Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother? http://tfl.nu/8hut
  Replies (8) Good night (4098) Bad night (1184)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight

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  (610): 3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight http://tfl.nu/lsa5
  Replies (3) Good night (2474) Bad night (806)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime

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  (541): I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime http://tfl.nu/biqg
  Replies (9) Good night (2225) Bad night (1044)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  Was who let the dogs out playing?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Ya. You started barking when it ended

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  (708): You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving. (1-708): Was who let the dogs out playing? (708): Ya. You started barking when it ended http://tfl.nu/fyl8
  Replies (4) Good night (1977) Bad night (529)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.

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  (973): Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical. http://tfl.nu/hbh3
  Replies (9) Good night (2079) Bad night (546)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.

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  (908): I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping. http://tfl.nu/2e7t
  Replies (18) Good night (978) Bad night (1703)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.

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  (908): And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on. http://tfl.nu/q88b
  Replies (1) Good night (809) Bad night (623)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...

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  (561): You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day... http://tfl.nu/6lgs
  Replies (20) Good night (4310) Bad night (649)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.

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  (757): I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know. http://tfl.nu/rhaa
  Replies (1) Good night (833) Bad night (415)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom

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  (781): Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom http://tfl.nu/px62
  Replies (2) Good night (605) Bad night (308)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs

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  (972): Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs http://tfl.nu/f6lr
  Replies (6) Good night (525) Bad night (318)

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