I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
