Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.