he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.