It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?