My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
