I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom