whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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