Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
