she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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