then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
