my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
