You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
