I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
bring money and cleavage
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
