i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
