i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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