Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
