Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
