my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
