I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
