Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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