i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
