You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
