Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
